Motherhood … An Act of Selfishness!

For the Arabic Version Click Here  -  للنسخة العربية إضغط هنا 

“Congratulations … you’re pregnant” three magical words, once heard by me I was extremely happy … for like about 30 sec! After that all the happiness and the excitement were replaced with fear and anxiety.

First let me tell you that I believe that the decision to bring a child to this world is an act of selfishness.  I decided that I want to have a child for my own happiness. I wanted to enjoy the feelings of motherhood. I wanted to have a child to play with, to pick cute clothes for after all the window shopping I have been doing for years, someone to be there for me when I grow old.  Once I actually got pregnant I realized it is not just about me anymore, it is about another human being I am bringing into this world, can you imagine how scary that felt.

I remember that night coming back from the doctor’s clinic, I lay in bed and I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of the life growing inside of me and lots of questions were running inside my head. Am I going to be a good mum? Will I be able to handle it? Will I be able to put him to sleep? Soothe him when he cries? What about potty training? Which school should I pick for him? … etc. The more questions I asked myself the more I got scared. I mean here I am suddenly responsible for another life; a child that I will affect and shape his life for the next 10 or 12 years. Everything he is going to be will be the result of what I teach him.

I wish I could tell you I was overwhelmed only for few days and then I shed those feelings from my system but it  lasted till the last month of my pregnancy and then it was replaced with other types of questions as I approached delivery; am I going to have a healthy baby? Was I eating healthy during the pregnancy? What if something went wrong in delivery? … etc

Again I wish I could tell you that after delivery and once I had my beautiful son placed between my arms the questions and the worry stopped. It didn’t, and even now after 4 months more questions and more worries are going through my head. But I realized that this was all normal, the questions the worrying; it is all part of me becoming a mum.

So motherhood start as an act of selfishness but once a child is born it turns into the most selfless act for you to no longer think about yourself but only your child and he or she always comes first.

So if like me you are a new mum, feel free to worry and question everything, if anything that only means that you are a good mum looking to provide the best life for your child … but try also to enjoy your life as a mum.